


Team Banana

by squire



Series: Kylux Tumblr fills [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Drinking Games, F/F, M/M, Mitaka overhears things, Never Have I Ever, modern kylux, modern stormpilot, past jedistormpilot (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 13:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7760224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squire/pseuds/squire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a drinking game takes place at a party hosted by Hux and Kylo and attended by his cousin and his friends... unexpected secrets come to light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Team Banana

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [ this post. ](http://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/148886198196/hotmenandotherdistractions-tom-nippleston)

It was fine Sunday afternoon, too early for anyone decent to be drunk, and yet the party hosted at the apartment below Mitaka's place was - and it not yet, then getting there. Then again, his neighbours were many things - tall, gorgeous, intimidating - but decent wasn't one of them. Dopheld Mitaka knew that first hand. This block of apartments had very thin walls and floors that carried sound exceptionally well. 

Not that Dopheld ever complained. Especially when one of the neighbours from below - the ginger one, Hux was his name - used to do yoga on the terrace directly under Dopheld's tiny bedroom window. 

The party - Hux and his partner, an oaf of a man, named Kylo, then Kylo's cousin who's been over enough times for Dopheld to know her name was Rey, Rey's girlfriend Phasma, and two of Rey's old school buddies named Finn and Poe - now moved to the big round garden table on the terrace, armed with an impressive array of drinks. Dopheld decided it was time for a smoke at the open window. He wouldn't want to stink up his bedroom now would he? 

He opened the window a crack just as a deep, booming voice - Kylo's - drifted up from below: 

"Never have I ever _intentionally_ walked in on my parents having sex." 

"Fuck you, Kylo!" his cousin groaned. "It wasn't intentional! I didn't know what they were doing!" 

"Shut up, Rey," Kylo was grinning ear to ear. "No one is _that_ oblivious. Take your drink." 

Rey winced as she drank and then all puffed up in the basket chair that was designed for over six foot tall men and effectively swallowed her tiny frame. 

"Never have I ever..... _lost_ a wet T-shirt contest." 

"That's a low-blow," remarked her girlfriend, a woman who on the contrary seemed to need an extra basket chair just to support all those miles of her legs. "You know that I work out." 

"My turn," said Hux, his pale hawk-like gaze zeroing on his lover. "Never have I ever pierced my genitals." 

Mitaka nearly breathed in his cigarette. And not in any case, none whatsoever, from the excitement over that image his all too visual imagination prompted him with. It was simply because Kylo's voice was unexpectedly loud when he shouted: 

"It was in for like a month!" 

"Whatever, bitch," Rey rushed to her revenge, "take your drink, you Prince Albert having douche." 

Kylo took his solitary drink. "I am being singled out. I hate you all. Phasma, your turn." 

Phasma inclined her blonde head, brows drawing together. Apparently she was drawing blank at whatever she should be asking because in the end she shrugged and said:

"Never have I ever..... dunno, had a threesome." 

A bottle clinked against the rim of a glass and Mitaka risked getting caught but he peeked out just in time to see Rey taking a nonchalant sip. 

"What the _fuck_ Rey?!" 

"Oh shut up, Phas, it was before we even met! And you know I like dick, I just don't like men... well, most men." 

Dopheld was always proud of his observational skills. Now he congratulated himself on glimpsing what Phasma was too outraged to catch - the way both Finn and Poe were staring in different direction each, a studiously blank expressions on their handsome faces. 

Phasma threw her both hands up. "Your turn, Finn, before my relationship disintegrates." 

Finn dutifully scrambled to obey. "Never have I ever.... ermmm.... been in such a confrontational game of Never Have I Ever." 

"Cheers," said Poe, Rey and Phasma in quick succession. Hux just smugly eyed still pouting Kylo. 

It was Poe's turn. 

"Never have I ever had sex _with_ a piece of food." 

The pause was predictable - Mitaka honestly didn't expect anyone to drink - but then came the sound of a posh beverage sloshing into an expensive glass. 

"Dude," Phasma and Rey said in disbelieving unison. 

"Dude, oh my god," Kylo added. 

Hux looked up from his glass. "What?" He took in the flabbergasted expressions around the table and blushed. "Oh my god, _everyone_ has practiced giving head with a banana!" 

Kylo cringed. "Ummm... no, Hux. _Some_ of us just practice on dicks." 

"What the fuck though," Hux sneered and finished his lone drink in the most dignified manner. "Whatever. It's your turn again." 

Kylo stared at Hux and then smirked. "Never have I ever been called a fuckboy." 

" _To your face!_ " screeched Rey and Phasma, again in perfect unison. Kylo groaned, and then groaned some more in the face of Hux's undisguised mirth. 

"Go fuck a banana, Phas!" 

Apparently the dig only served to fuel Hux's malicious side, because he actually leaned over to fill Kylo's glass before he assumed his previous regal sprawl in his basket chair and announced:

"Never have I ever had a crush on a family member."

Kylo only stared, wounded look spreading over his overly expressive face.

"Ewww," Rey managed when she put together the pieces.

"Yeah, come the fuck on, man, it's 2016," Phasma added.

" _She is my cousin!_ " Kylo yelled, effectively losing it. "And I was thirteen and Uncle Luke just moved back from Morocco and I've never met her before and she bested me in fencing championship and _it's not like she's my sister and it was just a crush, nothing happened!_ "

"I feel simultaneously flattered and creeped out," Rey remarked between helpless giggles.

"Methinks thou dost protest too fucking much," Hux smiled sweetly.

"I'm never telling you shit again," Kylo moaned, covering his face with his hands.

"Chug your drink, Sir IncestALot," Phasma laughed.

"Chug a fucking banana, Phas."

 

*

 

In the end, Finn and Poe had left in the same taxi that Rey and Phas have called for themselves, and Mitaka only hoped there won't be happening anything worth the next round of Never Have I Ever. Kylo and Hux have retired to their own bedroom to sex it up, which was always nice to listen on, even if a bit frustrating. Mitaka considered his options. It was, after all, never too late to start practicing on some bananas...

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was written lightning fast and during a steady giggling fit throughout. Come to follow my sin on [ my Tumblr! ](http://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/)


End file.
